Tribe:Ecky Thump Ltd
|Ecky Thump Ltd|
|Friends Helping Friends|
|Leader||Mighty Midget (GT Nottheone10)|
|Locks and Pincodes||None|
|Main Base Location|
Ecky-Thump (pronounced ehk-ee thoooomp) is an ancient and traditional martial art originating from Lancaster, Lancashire in Northern England. Similar but superior to Kung Fu in many respects, it utilizes long, fierce-looking Black Puddings in place of more inferior Eastern weaponry. Practitioners of the martial art are easily distinguished through their ritualistic flat caps and accompanying whippets.
History[edit | edit source]
Learned historians and fans of sausage generally agree that Ecky-Thump began to take form in 1611, in response to the need for townsfolk to defend themselves against the Lancashire witches said to live in Pendle Forest. Recent speculation has linked its development in part to the related martial art form of Ken Do'dd.
The complete antithesis of deviltry, the discipline of Ecky-Thump is an exercise in spiritual cleansing, moral purity, and beating the unholy hell out of the enemy by the deadly wielding of a blood-filled intestine. And unlike the haggis wielding Scotsman it is achieved without wearing a dress.
Teaching occurred under veil of secrecy, for fear of the sacred teachings being revealed to Satan's minions, curious looky-loos, or just people trying to nick free sausages. The penalty for divulging the esoteric rituals to any enemy or non-believer, intentionally or otherwise, was to commit Harry Corbett.
Movements[edit | edit source]
The sacred black pudding elicits many curious movements from all different parts of the body. Learning to control and contain these movements leads to enlightenment through the rapid emission of unneeded material goods from within one's core. Listed below are just some of the more well known manoeuvres that the Ecky-Thump master can use to protect both himself and his whippet.
- The Fatty Smash. This involves hiding behind a lamp post in the twilight hours. When an unsuspecting passer-by happens along, you should leap out screeching and smash your pudding down on their head before they've even realised what's happened. Then run.
- The Full English. Simply serve your enemy a large breakfast consisting of pudding, beans, chips, tea, bread, fried bread, lard, fried lard, fried tea, fried beans, bacon, lard, fried lard, beans, pudding, mushrooms, eggs (fried), butter and marzipan. This will incapacitate them, allowing you to whack them over the head with a shovel and steal their whippet.
- The Eye of the Hovis. Distract your enemy with a small to medium sized brass band. They will be mesmerised by the music, and their feet will not stop tapping. Not until you stuff a pudding down their shirt front, anyway. If they get annoyed, have a ukelele handy for a cheeky song or two.
Ranks[edit | edit source]
While some martial arts utilize belts and others use sashes to confer rank, Ecky-Thump wisely utilizes sausages. These not only identify the skill of the bearer, but are also the possessor's weapon:
|White Pudding||Initiate||Learns what a black pudding is and why it should never, for any reason, under any circumstances, be eaten.|
|Orange Pudding||Novice||Learns introduction to sausage handling, wrapping, care, and cleaning.|
|Yellow Pudding||Student||Learns the sacred "slash" and "parry" moves.|
|Green Pudding||Brother||Learns the sacred "thrust," "grind" and "shimmy" moves.|
|Blue Pudding||Disciple||Learns the art of disarming opponents with casual, complimentary phrases like, "You look great in that tunic. Have you lost weight?"|
|Silver Pudding||Instructor||Learns advanced meat-beating techniques.|
|Gold Pudding||Master||Studies the ancient tomes, scriptures, and wisdom of meatplay like "There's nowt wrong wi'owt what mitherin' clutterbucks don't barley grummit!"|
|Black Pudding||Grand Master||Understands the sacred meaning of Ecky-Thump.|
Additionally, there is the High Priest Ee Bah Goom — Master of all Masters of the Black Pudding.
Competition[edit | edit source]
Rochdale, Manchester is widely acknowledged as the modern mecca of Ecky-Thump, being headquarters of its most prestigious training institution in the world, the Mystic East Fish & Chip Shop. Rochdale is also home to a number of the discipline's most prominent Grand Masters, and the host of its biggest competitions.
The Battle on Primrose Hill[edit | edit source]
Each year, competitors assemble at dawn for a free-for-all mêlée. Not limited to adherents of Ecky-Thump, all-comers are invited to bring their cricket bats, baguettes, pool noodles, or walking frames, and fare their best against an army of blood sausage berserkers, until the heathen lay beaten down. Then, the remaining Disciples of Thump turn on the referee, and finally each other, until only one remains — the new High Priest Ee Bah Goom for the coming year.
The Battle on Benny Hill[edit | edit source]
Held every four years, the battle shares much of the same focus as the yearly Primrose Hill battle, though with a lengthy preliminary period which involves the competitors being chased by buxom, young wenches through parking lots, supermarkets, taxicabs, and green pastures, with accompaniment from the ancient folk song known as "Yakety Sax".